Minority Attraction

Tuesday, October 12

    By some twist of fate, I have been placed next to a beach here in Kannur.  I went there for the first time on Friday for a field trip with the Montessori kids, and then again on Sunday morning for a walk.  Its like the beach in Nicaragua!  You walk through the lush greenery, coconut trees and all, to the wide beach enclosed with cliffs.  If you close your eyes, the humid air is thick on the skin, the sunlight bakes, the waves crash in sets atop the rocks.  I wriggle my toes into the steaming sand, churning up the cooler, black layers.  On Sunday I was hoping to do this while collecting seashells---cheesy I know but I'm a seashell kid.  Anyways, Colleen and I arrived at the beach at 8 am on Sunday morning and it was completely packed…men only.  Now you guys may be like jeez suck it up and just go for a run like you planned.  The thing is, it is EXHAUSTING being the minority sometimes.  This is difficult for me to explain, but bear with me.  Here, meaning India, the women stare as much as the men, who stare as much as the children, who stare as much as everyone.  I am under a microscope constantly…. they are watching, judging, watching, judging (haha thats actually a shout out for Katherine Courage)…but anyways… people here are very curious and therefore stare with no shame.   We went to a restaurant the other day to get the traditional rice with sambar and curry off a banana leaf (major nom noms…mmmm).  Its an extremely crowded restaurant as people are waiting at your table for you to get up.  So Colleen and I are in there, being watched by at least  30 people at one time.  Its already awkward to have people watch you eat, but the real awkwardness here is that everyone eats with their hands.  To be honest I feel that I'm as good as any Indian eating utensil-less now, but when I have 30 people watching me its like "crap am I doing this right?  am I not being Indian enough? is it just because Im six feet and white?"  Its a mental process I go thru a lot and its draining.  The staring on the street, or curiosity in the stores, "whats your country?" …."obama!!!!"  "whats your name?" "where are you staying?", I don't mind anymore.  Its when I go to hang up my laundry by the window and the people from the rooftop below start shouting.  "Curtain investment" comes to mind.  Anyways, this explains why Colleen and I were very excited to experience a peaceful beach morning and were less than thrilled to find it less than peaceful.  There we go making assumptions.  Rule #1 Never assume anything.   I did go exploring in some tropical brush, and sat atop a large cliff  to stare at the ocean and listen to the waves; so that was an escape enough for me….nevermind the 6 dudes staring and pointing…. I just pretended they weren't there. 
    I have never had a problem  as a child finding a doll that looked like me, finding a band aid that matched my skin, or now, make-up that blends with my complexion.  All these would be indicators of whether you were a minority.  In social work at JMU, we endlessly explored cultural diversity, competence, and sensitivity.  I remember a theory--the name escapes me--on minority identity formation.  The individual is first oblivious to differences of color, they indirectly experience discrimination (or form of feeling different), then directly experience it, they recoil to the minority group (with anger towards the majority), and eventually mingle with everyone with the understanding of differences.  I don't think anyone can truly understand this theory unless he experiences it.    For the first time in my life I feel a struggle, frustration, an exhaustion of being a minority.  I second guess my actions because I know I am being watched.  Others' perceptions of me suddenly matter.  Sometimes I don't want to walk on the beach solely because I know it will be so mentally draining simply to exist there.  Its almost like I have the weight of representing America on my shoulders, and anything I do can and will be used for or against the perception of my country.  What confuses me is the fact that Ive never felt so out of place in Nicaragua.  I feel comfortable there…like I belong.  I told Colleen that maybe that truly is a place where my heart is, or that I lived there in another life or something.  Regardless, in India I have been given a severe shove out of my comfort zone (not good or bad)…and its given me a lot to process. 
    I am not sure if you guys notice any difference in my writing, as Colleen and I notice that our English is changing.  Not good.  Like I said in a previous post, there is frequent usage of "ing" verb form, lots of plurals on nouns that don't need it, and saying things like "is it?" or "like that" in random context.  This is terrifying.  As English teachers we must take a stand!!!! We must keep our American English and not succumb to the overuse of the gerund form.  We try to catch ourselves but there may be no turning back.  I was given the school newsletter the other day to correct and a common sentence structure would go like this, "Responsibility, respect, fairness, caring , trustworthiness, and citizenship are lifetime values which live taught through activities and there are the principles of good sportsmanship."   This is the English spoken here, and why Colleen and I often have a hard time communicating and understanding what the heck is going on.  Another thing we've noticed is the mix up between "w" and "v"…. we are starting a revolution with the youngsters during tutoring and having them chant "very well" correctly.  Everyone pronounces it "wery ell."  This revolution will work…start with the young ones and work your way up. :-)  …."you vant wegetables?"